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WRAPPING PRESENTS WITH A CAT IN THE HOUSE:
1. Clear large space on table for wrapping present.
2. Go to wardrobe and collect bag in which presents are contained,
and close door.
3. Open door and remove cat from wardrobe.
4. Go to cupboard and retrieve rolls of wrapping paper.
5. Go back and remove cat from cupboard.
6. Go to drawer and collect transparent sticky tape, ribbons,
scissors, labels, etc.
7. Lay out present and wrapping materials on table, to enable
wrapping strategy to be formed.
8. Go back to drawer to get string, remove cat that has been
in the drawer since last visit, and collect string.
9. Remove present from bag.
10. Remove cat from bag.
11. Open box to check present, remove cat from box, replace
present.
12. Lay out paper to enable cutting to size.
13. Cut the paper to size, trying to keep the cutting line
straight.
14. Throw away first sheet because cat tried to chase the scissors
and tore paper.
15. Cut second sheet of paper to size by putting cat in the
bag the present came out of.
16. Place present on cut-to-size paper.
17. Lift up edges of paper to seal in present, wonder why
edges now don't reach, and find cat between present and paper.
Remove cat and retry.
18. Place object on paper, to hold in place, while cutting
transparent sticky tape.
19. Spend next 20 minutes carefully trying to remove transparent
sticky tape from cat with pair of nail scissors.
20. Seal paper down with transparent sticky tape, making corners
as neat as possible.
21. Look for roll of ribbon; chase cat down hall and retrieve
ribbon.
22. Try to wrap present with ribbon in a two-directional turn.
23. Re-roll up ribbon and remove paper that is now torn, due
to cat's enthusiasm in chasing ribbon end.
24. Repeat steps 12-22 until down to last sheet of paper.
25. Decide to skip steps 12-16 in order to save time and reduce
risk of losing last sheet of paper. Retrieve old cardboard box
that you know is right size for sheet of paper.
26. Put present in box, and tie down with string.
27. Remove string, open box and remove cat.
28. Lay out last sheet of paper. (Admittedly this is difficult
in the small area of the toilet, but try your best!)
29. Seal box, wrap with paper and start repairs by very carefully
sealing down tears with transparent sticky tape. Now tie up
with ribbon and decorate with bows to hide worst affected areas.
30. At time of handing over present, smile sweetly at receiver's
face, as they try and hide their contempt at being handed such
a badly wrapped present.
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